How Your Childhood is Messing Up Your Life
Most if, not all, of our problems come from our childhood. Why is this?
As a kid, you hadn’t developed a conscious filter yet. Your subconscious is wide open. So you have no filter.
And then means any information goes directly to your subconscious mind, including hurtful information.
If someone was mean to you, you internalize it. It goes right through your subconscious mind and you couldn’t stop it.
Now as an adult, you have a fully developed filter. If someone’s mean to you, you could think he was having a bad day, that he was a jerk, or he has some issues of his own. It has nothing to do with you.
But as a child, all of those messages goes straight through your mind. It gets stuck with you. You carry it with you through your adult life. You internalize it. And you never let go.
In short, you got used to it. The filter in your mind uses the pain from childhood as an excuse to not change.
We defend our childhood issues. Use it as a crutch. Play as the victim. And make sure we don’t change and do the things we really want.
It’s the story of our life. And it’s everyone’s story.
So how do you solve your childhood issues?
How to Resolve Your Childhood Issues
All of this emotional energy get stuck inside your body.
The more it stays inside, the greater it will cause harm to yourself and the people in your life.
So we need to get it out. It will be far much better to get rid of all the childhood issues so that your life becomes so much better.
Most of the conflicts come from someone triggering our childhood issues. It touches a nerve inside us that reminds of our fears and pain from a long childhood pain.
For example, your parents have been controlling for most of your childhood. Now that you are married, your spouse want to know where you are at all times. This can blow up into a huge argument because you feel like your spouse is being controlling with everything.
It can also go the other way.
Your spouse wants to know you at all times because your spouse’s parents were never home in childhood. Maybe the parents were inconsistent and didn’t show up for a couple of days. This insecurity from not knowing where they are unconsciously carries into the present. Now your spouse wants to know where you are at all times so that your spouse know you are safe.
When you resolve your childhood, you no longer become the victim of huge drama in your relationship. Your relationship with yourself and others will be so much better.
You realize you can do it on your own, that you are good enough, and that you are deserving of love.
We do this by talking to your inner child and resolving that part in you.
Healing the Inner Child
Method 1: writing a letter
To get rid of your childhood issues, you have to get it off your chest. You have to let it out.
Some think you have to say to the person that caused you harm, but sometimes the person is dead.
You don’t really need to give the letter to the person. Write it out. This is for your eyes to see.
Start off with:
I’m writing this letter to let you know how I felt about what you did to me.
You can then describe how you felt and the pain it caused you.
Childhood issues usually accompany emotions like anger, humiliation, frustration, shame, guilt, sadness, regret, and hopelessness.
Now it’s important that you end the letter including that you don’t the full story or what goes in their mind at the time. This is because you really don’t know what went through their mind.
Maybe they have their own childhood issues. Maybe it was their fear lashing out at you. Or that they are insecure and messed you up.
When you look from this perspective, you gain compassion for your inner child. This allows you to heal your emotional wound.
You can’t control other people. What they do to you is all on them. It has everything to do with them and not you. It is their issues, not yours.
Method 2: Visualize your inner child and speak to it
Relax yourself until your body don’t want to move anymore. Allow your mind to relax as well.
Then visualize yourself in a room and there is a child sitting in it.
This child is you from the age of your emotional wound.
In this role, you act as the parent figure to your inner child.
If your inner child felt abandoned by your parents, then play the parent and reassure the inner child that he/she is never abandoned.
If your inner child felt like he/she can’t trust anybody, then play the parent and reassure the inner child that he/she is loved and that he/she can trust again.
By soothing the inner child’s unmet need, you begin the process of healing.
Just remember that the inner child is a symbol of your subconscious mind.
Lots of Unresolved Issues
There are many, many unresolved issues we carry with us in the present.
We don’t need to solve all of them, only the ones that impacts your life the most.
After you go through healing the inner child, you will feel less tension in your life.
Sometimes you may not get all of the negative issues out your system yet. That’s okay. Keep doing it.
Other times another issue pops up. Address them as well.
The more we let go of our emotional wounds, the better off we will be.
By resolving childhood issues, we can happily move on with the rest of our lives.